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maximize wikipedia in your fiction

Weekly Writing Tip from a Starving Fiction Writer #347:

Research:Follow the Wiki-Rabbit Trail

(This post is lifted from my forthcoming promotional project for online fiction writers.  If you are a writer, please click this link and consider submitting one of your finest works.)

Unless it comes from a book or from real-life experience, it isn’t really research.  You and I love the internet.  We are bloggers, social media experts and Amazon fiends.  But when it comes to writing fiction, our research becomes sacrosanct, and the internet feels like another interrupting vexation upon our craft.

This past weekend I was writing a scene.  A cicada flew onto the screen behind my forehead.  A cicada. 

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heart-complications – a very short story for a very snowy day

What follows is not true.  It does not have a “point.”  It is a story, and as stories go, I suppose it is intended to be enjoyable.  I was growing tired of blogging with a “point.”  Perhaps tomorrow I will write something with a “point.”  “Points” are wearisome, aren’t they?  I feel as if they should always be “wrapped up in quotation marks.”  All is meaningless; have a great, pointless and enjoyable day!

In my homeland round about this time of year, the obituaries began to run together, especially as the Winter weather eclipses Spring.  There are the few days of hope, maybe a day in the upper thirties.  But that day is followed by the doldrums of a two week cold-snap, where the sun tricks hearty, old Norwegians and stoic Swedes into believing the meteorologist might be wrong.

“I can feel it in my knees,” they say, “the weather is changing today.”  And so, with a heart bursting with expectation old men put on their boots

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117 more days – flash fiction

It’s been a while since I posted any fiction.  Here’s a very short story I wrote this morning…

The guards stepped in to restore order after the unspoken order had already been restored.  Hmongs and Laotians presided over cell block B and over prisoner 4287554.  Joey DiMarco had been inside long enough to know the unspoken operations.  The schedule was always the same in minimum security: breakfast, work, lunch, work, exercise, dinner and lockdown.  Minor uprisings screwed with the order of things.  A new inmate challenged the unspoken order; everyone was penalized.

“It’s always the Italians,” Joey said quietly to the block wall.  Prisoner 4287554 had taken a vow of semi-silence, speaking only when spoken to; his vow did not keep him from talking to himself.  During times of unrest, especially now, when the commotion was caused by a fellow-Italian, Joey worried in whispers.  118 days until

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Flash Fiction: a dancer on the iron range

She moved to town in the middle of the school year.  I don’t know why.  You always invent stories to fill in the blanks.  Her mom had probably just left her dad, forcing her to move in with her grandparents.  Maybe her dad had just gotten a job in the iron mines.  One of the two I suppose, but I never asked.  It was October or early November, about the worst time you could go to a new school.  All of the other new kids had enough time to make friends and become regular kids.  If you go to a new school in the middle of the year, you’ll never, ever really have any friends.  She left the school with as many friends as she had when she entered it.

Mr. Carlson introduced her in my fourth hour science class.  You know how this is done.  Everyone has to say their name and one thing interesting about themselves.  “My name is Pete and I have a three-wheeler.”  It was the best I could do on short notice.  Owning a three-wheeler is not interesting, but in eight grade it was all I had.  She said her name was Sharon.  I suspect most fourteen year-old Sharons wish their names were frillier and more exciting, something with a curly-que on the end or an “i” you could dot with a potential heart.

“I am a dancer.  I’ve been studying dance for ten years.”  She spoke properly, something the rest of us only did in English class, sixth period.  I pegged her for a liar right there.  I don’t know much about dancing or dancers, but I know that they are supposed to be prettier than Sharon Schwartz, and they’re not supposed to have fat bellies.  And everyone knows that liars speak proper English especially when they’re lying.  I wanted to stand on my chair and ask her about 4-H.  “You might raise lop-eared bunnies, but don’t expect me to believe you’re a dancer!” was the line I managed to swallow.

Sharon always tried to talk to me in the halls.  I guess she didn’t realize that I was quite advanced in the junior high social scene.  “Hi, Pete.”  I ignored her when I was with my friends.  I gave her head nods and then looked away.  I am not rude; I’m Minnesotan.  She was not deterred, so I despised her all the more.

“Did you get your science homework done, Pete?” she asked as she examined my pimpled face.

“Course,” then I resumed my silence while she continued to stare at me.  This is something else liars do; they stare at you.  Liars know that other liars don’t make eye contact.  So the good ones stare into your eyes to make you believe that they’re telling the truth.  They stare at you with their gray eyes that sit underneath their straight brown, lifeless bangs.  And they just go on lying.

She talked to me so persistently I really couldn’t continue to ignore her.  So I said, “You’re probably the only dancer on the iron range.  You in classes or something?”

“I used to study in Minneapolis,” I hated that she always talked about dancing as “studying,” but the idea of her “studying dance” did seem more believable to me, with her huge butt and all.  “There aren’t any dance schools in town, yet,” she told me as if I were a person of empathy.  I nodded again.  “I’m going to dance at the eighth grade talent show before Christmas break.”

“Bet you don’t.”

I don’t know why I said that.  It was the beginning of my escalating stupidity.  I tried to backpedal but instead I called her a liar.  I’ve said so-and-so is a liar behind so-and-so’s back, but I’ve never called someone a liar to their face.  Only Sharon Schwartz, and just the one time.  I didn’t realize it when I called her a liar, but I had just committed to a whole month of conversation about Sharon’s dance; a whole month of attempting to ignore the details she spewed out as she latched onto me on the way to class.  Classes we didn’t even share.  I issued the bet, and in so doing, I automatically lost.

“I got new toe shoes.  I found a new piece of music.  It goes like this: dum de de dedumdum.  Have you ever heard any Russian composers?”  You see, I lost!  Blah, blah!  “Shut up, Sharon Schwartz, you liar,” I thought, but could never bring myself to speak in such a manner.

So the day before Christmas break arrives, and sure enough, her name is on the list: Sharon Schwartz – dance.  I’m thinking about how much BS this whole thing is, and kind of wishing I had some talent to perform.  I decide to pacify myself thinking about how much everyone else sucks at their talent anyways.  A pianist was supposed to accompany Jason, a tuba player, but the pianist bailed.  Jason plays anyways.  And he sucks.  There’s a low E whole note.  Rest.  Rest.  Two quarter notes.  A whole rest punctuated by Jason tapping his foot. This might go on forever, I thought.

Then she came out and stood in the center of the stage, an upside-down pink, kettle stove.  The music began and the kettle stove glided across the stage.  She twirled on her toes.  She leaped into the air, much higher than I expected she could.  She landed about how I imagined.  For two straight minutes she flittered between beauty and ugly.  She spun softly upon a wooded trail but managed to stomp on all the bugs.  It was an unusual ongoing metamorphosis: kettle stove into flamingo, into buffalo, into dove; all in pastel pink.  Then it was finished, and she curtsied.  The eighth grade was silent while Sharon bowed for about thirty-seven minutes until we remembered we were supposed to clap.  So we did.  No one understood what happened.  Sharon Schwartz was a dancer; a heavy, alternately graceful and terrible, but smiling, bowing dancer.

I said, “Nice job,” to her as we passed in the hallway, though I still wasn’t sure if it was or not.  She started to try to talk to me, but I turned to talk to my friends.  I pretended not to hear, “Did you really like it, Pete?” but I nodded in affirmation as I kept walking. Then a bell rang and it was Christmas break.

When school resumed in January Sharon missed the first day.  Then the second and so on.  She didn’t return to school.  I don’t know why.  I think her parents split up, or her dad got a job at a factory in Pittsburgh.  I don’t know.  All I know is this: for one afternoon there was a dancer on the iron range.  She wasn’t very good, but she was about what we deserved.  I clapped for her.  I’ve always wished I had clapped louder.

(the above story is fiction.  the only elements that are true are listed as follows: i once witnessed a tuba solo. i am a minnesotan who did once own a three-wheeler.)

Flash Fiction: Sweaty Superior Feet

Flash Fiction: short stories under a thousand words.  I woke up grumpy and pounded this out before I had to do some real work.  I don’t have a title.  You can give it one in the comment section, if you’d like.  Its not really spiritual, but then again it kind of is, I don’t know.  So, here’s the story.  I hope you laugh at it…

The Daily Sun showed up just before the daily sun.  It always happened this way.  A roll of newspaper slaps the door and then daybreak.  I laid my slippers at the front door to step outside onto the doormat to retrieve the paper in my bare feet.  It is a bristly bathmat in the mornings, soaked in the night’s showers.  I have hot feet.  This is so soothing.  Fortunately I have not yet invested in one of those mattresses whose foam adjusts according to heat; there’d be two sweaty craters at the end of my bed.  On the days I wear black socks into the office, I can sometimes smell my feet wafting up from under my desk.

I bet the neighbor’s feet smell too.  He’s a fat guy with a desk job who doesn’t even push his own lawn mower.  So lazy.  “Probably doesn’t even own a lawnmower,”  I say to myself, one-upping him.  Until his wife pulls out of the driveway in an opulent new Toyota, the boxy SUV that belongs on a florescent yellow African safari.  It’s very yellow.  I still maintain that I have a better lawn mower, and I bet his feet are probably sweatier than mine.  I wave at his wife as she leaves for her AM workout.  She shakes a bottle of water at me in return.  The water bottle is a mutated human appendage.  We smile at each other through the smoky car-window glass and across a comfortable span of distance too great for telepathy.

I have a garage for my toaster in case it rains in the kitchen.  My wife likes the toaster to be out of sight.  She finds toasters particularly offensive.  Every morning I waltz the toaster around the kitchen, squeezing her body into mine while I confidently extend her cord in my right hand.  My hands aren’t hot like my feet.

The paper is all adverts and opinions.  I saw a commercial last night that you can buy a LandRover for $800 a month.  I better leave a little early for work.  I’m sure there are thousands of people clogging up the interstate near the LandRover exit.  Peculiarly the Sports Page is filled with ads for Japanese massage.  I attribute this to the increase in Asian players in Major League Baseball.  Sushi would be a nice breakfast today.  Bet my mowerless neighbor with the expedition vehicle – that plebe -  is having oatmeal.  “Dragon roll for me, please.  With toast.”

Jets surround my bath tub.  Somehow they got broken, but we didn’t use them anyways.  The wife tells me to get them fixed once a week.  I offer to build a garage for the tub instead.  I am offended by bathtubs.  My feet are sufficiently scrubbed.  This takes some time.  I hate it when you bend over in the shower and the water fills up your nostrils.  I’m going to buy a set of nose plugs the next time I drive past the scuba diving store.

Women invented the half-Windsor knot.  While cinching up my $70 noose, I wish I could meet this Windsor and his missus for a little set-to, a tete-a-tete or a cage fight.  Once I tried to count the layers of fabric I tightened around my neck to intentionally stop the flow of blood to my brain.  I gave up.  “More than most,” was my conclusion.  The shoes are loafers, real masculine.  Nothing deserves to have my sweaty feet in them more than these embarrassing foot-skirts.  They have tassels and a fringe, and were made by someone named Cole, first name Ken.  The neighbor has a similar pair.  Dummy.  Not a suit today, its sport-coat day.  They call pants and coats made of different fabric “separates.”  Jones made my coat.  Jones is a pimp in New York.  $350.  Ellis made the slacks.  Ellis is an island in New York, so the whole ensemble kind of works.  $98 for the pants.

I look credible as I walk through the door of my office in Acquisitions.  The neighbor works down the street 2 blocks  a few floors higher than me in Marketing.  We each drive the same 22 miles separately, taking turns following one another into the city.  When he gets to work he approves the final color swatches for fast food restaurants and retail stores.  Me, I’m a well-dressed pirate.  The board of my company believes we need more things and the shareholders agree.  I rob from the rich and give to the also rich.  Who is better, me or him?  Color guru or Robinhood.  Got to go with Robinhood, right?

Text message in the middle of the day said my kid needs an Earth Day t-shirt for school.  I’ll buy one made in Malaysia by someone his own age.  $3.  You can ship a t-shirt from Malaysia for three bucks?  Costs me $4.95 to mail paperwork to the other side of town.  Who cares.

Commuting home, I am reminded that NPR is an ad for the government.  Talk radio is an ad for the militia.  Country music is written by high-school kids with pimples.  Pop music is an ad for itself, and it just sucks.  The rock station makes me angry.  Nothing feeds my obvious superiority so I settle for making fun of Country music.  Clips of a comedian with a mustache break up the songs and commercials.  Real funny.

The kid is at soccer when I get home.  The wife is driving around.  The picture of us, all of us shining, is hung above my fake fireplace.  The neighbor has the same picture above his fake fireplace, though his photo is of his own family.  Mine is better.  Mine is better.  Mine is… the leather of my sofa is warming around my fancy slacks, around my hot feet.  My eyelids close… better.  I dream about the movie, The Ten Commandments.  I’m pretty sure if it was updated it would be a lot better.  My feet smell terrible.

Short Story for Good Friday

I happened upon a blog the other day where the author’s theme was, I’ll sum it up, “Lent, and celebrations like it, are the reason for American Christianity’s ineffectiveness.”  I found all sorts of things I wanted to say to the blogger, none of which I will share.  Instead I wrote the briefest story about the man, and am offering it to you today…

So It Goes…


“A construct of man,” wailed the man, who would have none of it.  Now, here I must pause to state the obvious in case you, dear reader, have missed it already: the wailing man, wailing about other men was himself, in fact a man.  This man would not move to the dancing music that played all about him.  Others danced according to the music that was piped, hammered and strummed in seemingly endless fashion from one end of the earth to the other.

Rather he damned the dancers for their dancing, deeming them “followers of pithy traditions.”  But the dancers heard him not as they called for him to join them in their movements.

The man could not hear their invitation, his ears having been frozen by the words that raced from him icy mouth, located much too close to his ears.  He was the sort of fellow who refused a winter’s cap and disbelieved those who propped themselves up as weathermen.  For the man, “Seasons were but a state-of-mind.”

The dancers clapped.

The man sat on his hands.

They wept.

He mocked them.

They rejoiced.

Ignored.

As Vonnegut said, “So it goes.”  As the man forfeited his option to participate.  His corpse was the rightest corpse in the morgue on the day of his passing.

The dancers wept.

For the man did never join

their ever-changing parade.

“Raca,” screamed the man from the here-after, “foolish dancers, I’ve proven thee all wrong.  It seems I was right this whole time, as I (how he did emphasize his “I’s”) am the only man present now.”  He was right.  He would never have to dance.  And finally the god-forsaken music was shut down.  He was right and alone.

In the dark of one Good Friday

All the dancers paused

With quietest invitation

Whispered from their tongues

Begging the world to cease from dancing

And for its heads to bow.

The music rests but for a second

resuming just after now.

I have but one tiny slice of advice to offer, a moral, if you will.  The music starts and it rests.  Starts.  Rests.  Careful that you pay attention.  The brightest crescendo comes to a close.  The fool sings alone through crescendo’s wake.

Have a meaningful, grace-filled Good Friday, my friends.

something a little different

(Hey readers, I’m breaking from the norm today with a short story.  I’ve been working on a few of them, and this is sort of a “test run.”  It could probably use a bit of editing, but who has editors just sitting around?  It’s not my usual fare.  It does not offer any suggestions nor spiritual advice.  Just fiction with a few facts strewn throughout.  I should warn you: it’s a bit dark and boarders on creepy.  Hope you enjoy it.  Let me know what you think.)

Black Indian

He was black, like he had just emerged from a coal mine.  Eyes wild; the whites shimmered like a set of pearls, too large for a human skull to contain.  Black irises set beneath a bony outcropping mimicking a brow.  He peered at my 6 year old frame silently and then retreated behind a tree in a blink.  When I had mustered the courage to walk a wide circle to inspect whomever it was who hid behind the tree, to my dismay, he had disappeared.  He must have wormed his way silently through the lilacs.  Had I imagined him?

The tree that he hid behind nearly every time he appeared was my tree; well, one of them.  Reaching the first branch was hard work, not like the old apricot tree on the other side of the property.  Her branches converged low, maybe 3 feet off the ground.  The apricot tree was easy to climb.  Grab two branches and swing your body up against the force of your arms.  My favorite jelly came from this tree.

The other tree, the one we both laid claims to, bore no fruit.  Young boys are unable to identify trees without fruit or flowers.  This tree shot up into the sky like a skyscraper though it had a slight lean to the East.  Its bark was hard and shiny.  There were wrinkles around the knots.  It must have been a 10 foot climb to reach the first branch.  On most climbing days I was ill-dressed for such adventures in this tree; humid Minnesota summers require shorts and tee shirts.

Until a young climber can reach the first branch to perform more acrobatic moves, hugging and shimmying up the tree is his only option.  This is brutal on the tender flesh surrounding biceps and inner thighs.  Thin scrapes never hurt at the moment, but the red streaks formed by the abrasion hang around for quite some time.  The slight tears of the flesh hurt most around bedtime.

I never saw him in the tree, just near it.  I always figured the limbs were safe and especially the second and third tier of branches.  From the upper branches you could see out over the lilac bushes.  The groves of lilacs hedged my great-grandma and grandpa’s house from the field to the North of the house and the cemetery on the West.  It seems it should have been a scarier backdrop, having a cemetery in the backyard.  Now that I have seen a few horror films, I know that nothing good comes from them.  But I was just an ignorant kid, who had grown up this close to the graveyard.

There was a fence between the cemetery and the house, but both the fence and the lilac grove that hid it had an intentional gaping hole.  I was a frequent cemetery walker too.  I had tried to ride my bike there on one occasion.  This didn’t go over well with my great-grandparents, who warned me about the disrespect of stepping on, let alone riding on someone’s grave.  I understood.

I saw him watching as I returned from the cemetery sometimes.  Most little kids would have been frightened.  His wild hair hanging down in two braids on each side of his head.  He looked black; but I figure he is Sioux or something, and just really dirty.  Not a chief, they’re easier to recognize with the big headdresses.  Maybe a warrior or something.  He is broad and old, and appears quite tired and maybe a little stupid.  But then again, I’ve never gotten close enough to interview him.  I think he is some kind of outcast.  Indians don’t live on their own.  They come in tribes.

When I was building stuff in the sandbox by myself he stood near the tree watching me.  Never drawing near, escaping when I caught I glimpse of him.  I couldn’t tell if he was a good guy or a bad guy.  6 year-olds have a way of assigning easy value to everything, even humans and dirty Indian warriors; but I struggled to pin a value on the Indian.  I saw him often and he’d never threatened, nor spoke, nor let me near him.  Our relationship existed on his terms.  It involved no words, but a cold, lonely feeling.

When I was in the hard, wrinkly tree I could never see him.  I’d whisper to him.  Only the wind would reply.  I wonder if that is his way, he shakes the trees just a little bit.  From my high perch I wondered if he was real at all.  I dreamed of dropping off a limb onto his back and getting some answers from him.  I’d put him in a choke hold I learned from watching wrestling on Sunday mornings when we went to early church.  Early church got me home before 11 and granted me an hour of cartoons and wrestling.  Watching wrestling was a forbidden activity, but sometimes my mom was distracted, allowing me to learn moves 3 minutes at a time.  She thought it was fake.  Based on her erroneous supposition, I learned that moms did not know everything.

The drop would be stealthy, like a cowboy bounding off a building onto his horse.  There could be no yelling and screaming, and if I managed to get him to the ground, I’d just stare into his black eyes until he told me his name.  But the opportunity never presented itself.  It was almost like he knew my plan.

Its not like I saw him all the time.  Months would go by without a the slightest trace of him.  Then I’d see him a few days in a row.  Then nothing again.  During his absences, I would create adventures for him.  I’d imagine that he was off hunting or maybe trading with white men.  The trading idea made a lot of sense.  He was studying me to learn the ways of the white man.  Of course I knew it was the early 1970′s and all wild Indians had long since been civilized.  I had even learned of Reservations from books that my father had ordered from TV.  They were colorful and rich.  I read them with great conviction.  Reservations made a lot of sense to my 6 year-old mind.  I supposed my black Indian could have hidden out and preserved the ways of his people, the ways I had learned about in my dad’s books.

For 3 or 4 years he made appearances.  When two of my grandfathers were buried in the cemetery to the west, he’d come around more frequently.  When my parents split-up for good, he’d often slip from behind our tree.  I wanted him to talk, but he just cast sad, dull stares at me.

After my great-grandpa had been laid to rest only a few yards from where he had lived my great-grandmother developed Alzheimer’s and was confined to a home, leaving the house empty.  I had climbed the tree for my last time.  In fact, I don’t recall climbing a tree since then.  The house would soon be sold.  The lucky owners would get an Indian.  I forgot about him.

Sometime in my early 20′s I remembered him.  When I saw a tree that leaned a bit, I’d look just a little more intently.  Of course by this time I knew he was imaginary.  Having studied Psychology in college, nearly majoring in it, I began to wonder why we never had a conversation.  Most imaginary friends talk.  I guess he was just a bad friend.

My adult thoughts of my black Indian were like my childhood relationship with my him.  Sometimes the thoughts hung around for quite sometime.  I’d remember him every day, sometimes a few times a day, only when I was alone and quiet.  Then I’d shelve the idea of my imaginary childhood acquaintance for months.

I couldn’t find work in my field after I’d finished school, so instead I worked in a real field.  I became a farmhand for Mr. Groesbeck, a widowed, Dutch dairy farmer, who also sold a fair amount of Sweet Corn to a national canned-vegetable chain out of Southern Minnesota.  Mr. Groesbeck and I worked all day in the summers, and hired groups of migrant workers to harvest the sweet corn.  Part of my pay for managing his corn operation was the small shack near the cornfield, which I occupied year-round.

Groesbeck was asleep by 9 most nights, and that night was no different.  I broke his only rule with some frequency, sneaking a couple liters of Canadian Club whiskey into my shack.  He had become a Baptist after his wife’s passing and strictly forbade drinking, though he attended church only once a month.  I was a Lutheran, at least by birth, so a little whiskey didn’t affect my sensibilities.  That night I had knocked out about a pint of the cheap whiskey and went outside to pee.  It was a cool, breezy evening; no mosquitoes.

The sun had fairly escaped from its chores that evening, a bright, nearly full moon was trying to replace it.  In the fading light, four rows into the corn field, I saw him.  He watched me.  I went cold.  I finished my business and stared at him.  Slowly I stepped closer to him, but he didn’t disappear as I had expected he would.  Quietly, just above a whisper, I stated, “You’re a long way from home.”  His expression didn’t change, and he didn’t offer a response.  I had never tried speaking to him as a kid.  He had always managed to elude my advances.

He held up a hand like Indians do in the old Westerns to say “How.”  But I knew he meant for me to stop my approach.  We stared at each other for several minutes.  This became a routine.  Nearly nightly we’d meet and say nothing.  Always agreenig to his terms of silence.  I became unhappy.

Shortly after he started showing up I stopped sleeping at night.  I became worried about myself.  Self-worry and doubt is something farmers save for winter.  You worry about crops when there are crops to be worried about.  I had no time to be thinking such thoughts.  I owed nothing to anyone.  I had a bank full of money in town.  I had Mr. Groesbeck as a friend.  I had enough food.  Organizing the migrants provided some sense of purpose.  The Chicago Ag Market was strong, and still I was an anxious farmhand. I stopped eating meals and quit sneaking whiskey.

I figured the Indian was my problem, so I avoided the outdoors in the evenings.  In the mornings I stopped taking breakfast with Groesbeck, waiting for him to appear on his porch before venturing out of my shack.  That’s when things got bad.  Sleep became fitful.  Dreams.  Some mornings I’d wake to find him staring at me from the window, eventually at the humble table of my two room shack.  I couldn’t wait to till the cornstalks into the earth, and daydreamed of kicking up the throttle when I spotted my Indian in the field.  I had no more interest in the mysterious man.  I just wanted him to be gone.  But he never accepted my terms; only his.

The Fall of my 26th year was filled with oppressive insomnia.  Groesbeck had noticed a change and demanded that I see a doctor, threatening me with unemployment.  In early October I chose to speak to my Indian one last time.  I left a chair out for him by the table.  I explained it all to him, in his terms of course.  I told him of the medicine man, and my Indian nodded.  It was the first response I’d gotten from him in 2 decades.  I’m not sure how he left only that he was indeed gone when i woke up.  I had slept.  Good sleep.

I still see him on occasion, always in the distance; on the top of a hill or in a grove of trees.  I swear he waved once.  I didn’t wave back.